Looking for something else

I try to make sense of why I like the things I do, or am attracted to this thing over that. Occasionally I am accused of being pretentious, or of being an elitist. It's as if all I have to do to offend somebody is to show them what I enjoy.

One book which I've really gotten to like is Allan Bloom's Closing of the American Mind. I don't always agree with it, but some of his points give me food to think about for a while.

In the book, Bloom points out that, for most Americans, enjoying things for their own sake is a foreign concept. It's really true, if you think about it. I believe this is why some people misunderstand me. They try to perceive motives behind my actions and interests, but they fail to realize that I am simply fanatical about doing things for their own sake. Baroque music is a great example. Baroque music has never gained me any friends. It has never gained me any money. It isn't a great conversation topic. Loving Baroque music is not something to place on my résumé. Loving Baroque music is something that I talk about occasionally, but for the most part I keep it to myself. Simply put, I don't like Baroque music because of anything else, except that I like it for its own sake. Listening to it gives me joy. Playing it is fun.

What I've realized about me is that I'm looking for something else. I'm looking for something that America can't offer. That's what I love about Baroque music. America, no matter how hard it tries, can never produce Baroque music. It can try to perform it. It can try to imitate it. But America cannot create Baroque music. It lacks the desire. It lacks the frame of mind. In this area, America is impotent.

That's one thing Bloom discusses in his book. There's no need for American universities to teach students about things which they can learn simply by being here. It needs to teach them things that America itself is incapable of teaching.

Obsessions

I don't know why I'm obsessed with the Baroque so much. Could it be the art? The music? The architecture? I feel a little guilty in some ways. The late Baroque was a time of decadence.

Still, the religious art and architecture are amazingly beautiful.

Here is Bernini's statue of St. Teresa of Avila in ecstasy. I love how she's passed out with her jaw open, with an angel grasping her by her habit. The angel has a cheerful smile as he's about to pierce her with an arrow.

Who am I?

I have been living in the clouds lately, thinking about abstract things like the One, the Good, perfection, love, beauty, art, and music.

At the same time, I am thinking about who I want to be. I want to be a man of integrity. I want to be honest and to be true. I want to be a man of good character.

It's time for me to descend from the clouds for a while, so I can make real day-to-day decisions that move my life forward.

That's all I have to say right now.