These past two Saturdays have been days of self-reflection. Last Saturday I ate pizza with my friend Mitch, and then we went to his place to watch the film Into the Wild. After watching it I reflected a lot on myself. I decided to go over to my mother's house even though it was late. I went in the basement and looked through an old journal of mine, from the most hellish part of my college years. It was two years ago from now, during the semester I should have graduated. Yet, I dropped all my classes that semester, quit a job, and spent my days sleeping and my nights obsessing over things that don't really matter and that I had no influence over. My first part of college was marked with many unhealthy friendships, relationships, habits, and dependencies. Looking in that old journal made me realize how much I've changed since then. For once I have an optimistic glimpse of my life, seeing that things really can and do change for the better sometimes.
This Saturday I have been looking at my old blog. The old blog spans a period of six years and 1,562 blog entries. Looking at the blog gives me an even more exaggerated sense of how I've changed. Mostly, when I say changed, I mean grown up. I have matured a lot. I'm definitely a more solid person than I was.
In light of all these things of the past, I am still reminded of all that lies before me in the future. The coming years will not be comfortable or easy, but I pray through all these trials God will form me into "the most authentic version of myself."
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Going their way they went and wept: scattering their seed. But returning, they shall come with joyfulness: bringing their sheaves with them.
1 comment:
Wow. What an interesting post. When I read Into the Wild (I haven't seen the movie) I wanted to go on an Alaskan expedition. My trip would have been undoubtedly more stupid and tragic than his.
Also, I think that is one of the unique things about journaling, and why it is such a good release. It allows one to reflect on all versions of oneself. When one writes it is present, when one reads it is past, and in turn this meeting of present and past call one to ponder the future. I am so glad that you got the opportunity to stand at the meeting of time. And I am so glad that you have grown into the man I am getting to know.
Post a Comment