This past week has made me realize a lot of things about myself, especially my personality. The first is that, even though I knew I was an introvert, I never really understood the extent of it. I got a glimpse of it a few months ago when I applied to be a missionary, and the whole weekend I felt crushed under an immense anxiety and a desire to be alone for a few weeks. Basically, at training I've felt the same way every single day. I hate that I feel that way, because it's so grossly misunderstood by people. They interpret as me not liking FOCUS, or as me not liking people. I believe very strongly in the mission of FOCUS, and I love people a whole lot. It's just that the way people here interact is draining. Interacting in crowds drains a lot of energy out of me. Being that we don't get much sleep or free time during the first week, there was no way to recuperate that energy. So for day on end I walked around like a zombie, completely empty and exhausted. Last night I was able to heal myself. I spent a long time in the chapel sitting in silence, then I went for a two-hour walk by myself on campus here. After that I slept for 10 hours. I feel much better, but still a little drained. Luckily, I'm beginning to make friends with some of the incredible people here, and the small group interaction that comes in groups of friends has provided me with a lot of consolation. I especially like being with my roommates.
I found a great editorial article about introverts, which are probably the least understood and underappreciated minority in this country. It's a great read. I identify with it a lot. Caring for Your Introvert
I have been asking myself a few questions as well. Do introverts really exist? I think they do, but I am willing to acknowledge that every label has limitations. Also, did God create introverts? Are introverts capable of being missionaries? I am asking myself these questions a lot. As I meet more people here, I am also discovering that I am not the only introvert. Sometimes it's difficult to discern if someone is an introvert. Many introverts have grown used to pretending like they're extroverts. In any case, I hope my talents can contribute something to my work, but more importantly, the grace of Almighty God.
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Going their way they went and wept: scattering their seed. But returning, they shall come with joyfulness: bringing their sheaves with them.
5 comments:
I certainly think missionaries can be introverts. You may be able to reach some people that others couldn't.
I liked the article.
"In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership." I completely agree with this. And while many people may seem to be extroverted, that may be the only side you see of them, or they may just be putting on a show. I'm convinced there are alot more introverts among us than it appears. I too get very tired from socializing, and most of the time would rather not be around lots of people. It takes so much effort.
Very interesting Ross. I'll be thinking about it.
What a crock of crap that article was! Ha ha. That's what an extrovert would say. Seriously, though, I did think this part was especially fecal:
"Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping."
CeeCee, I think you have a good point. I think one of the weaknesses of the article is that it assumes that introverts know all about extroverts, which is obviously not true. I think, though, that he tries to portray extroverts as introverts often see them, whether that be true or not. Just as extroverts often interpret introverts as not liking people, I think introverts often misunderstand extroverts, too. For instance, when I am around an extrovert I often don't even think about how my silence and distance may be making him/her uncomfortable, which is rude.
Also, I think the article makes the assumption that extroverts have no interior life. While it may be true that introverts spend more time thinking to themselves, I tend to think mostly their interior life is self-centered, unless it is guided to more noble things by religion. So, anyway, it's all interesting.
Yes. It certainly is interesting.
Also, I think that was a lot more clear than what I understood of what he said. You should write always, and explain the world always to me. That would be great.
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